He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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