I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
