Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
