who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
