Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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