i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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