I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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