It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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