so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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