I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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