It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
