you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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