Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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