I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
