Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
