haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
