WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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