pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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