if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
