Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
