can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
