i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
