No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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