Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
