My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
