saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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