8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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