I just pynch a tree in the face
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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