I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
