Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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