i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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