the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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