I accidentally burped into my bong.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
