So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
