I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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