i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
