Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
