You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
