it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
