Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I smell stomach acid.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
What a dumb baby whore.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
