There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
