She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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