Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
