Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
