I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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