I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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