I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The struggles of a small town man whore
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
