I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
