I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
