He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize