dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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