i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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