I wish I could punch you in the face.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
