umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
