Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
