I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
try to milk me bitch
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