You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
