this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
