I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We were destined to go to rehab together
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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