oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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