p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
