how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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