Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
