3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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