do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
