Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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