TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
