We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
