it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
