I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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