Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
