i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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