You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize