i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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