Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
