Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
