Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize