I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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