this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
