so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
