she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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