Apparently you make a good broom.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
