we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
