the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
