i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
