Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
