it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
