Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
