p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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