im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
