Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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