u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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