Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
