Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
