I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
