I can tuck mytits in my pants
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
