I am puke
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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