Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize