he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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