you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
