Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
PANTIES FOUND
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