Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
