Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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