im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
