Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
