$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize