My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Your penis caused this!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
