so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Alive.
So much puke
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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