I'm so fucking centered right now
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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