she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm at about main and main street
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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