TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize